Feminine Products make me feel pretty

So men who ejaculate more might live longer. We learned this the other day. Now, according to an almost two week old article, I’ve learned something about women too, although this has nothing to do with us living longer and has everything to do with how we look. Why is it always about beauty?

Apparently, when we are ovulating, we are at our most attractive. That means that when we are “fertile” - 8-14 days after our last day of bleeding, more people will want to rip off our clothes and throw us around naked. Part of this newfound beauty happens because a woman’s ears and breasts actually become more symmetrical in the days leading up to ovulation, and I guess this brings us closer to perfection, thereby elevating our level of attractiveness. All according to some study done in Prague and Newcastle - random study, random places. I think there needs to be another study, one for women who have stopped menstruating, either because of illness or menopause. When are they at their most attractive?

In another study, women prefer masculine-looking men when they are ovulating. When we’re not ovulating, we tend to prefer Mr. Softee’s, the kind of men with less pronounced chins or smaller adam’s apples. Some of the most brutal murderers were soft and feminine, but maybe that’s what made it easy for them to find people to murder. And maybe if they murdered women, it was always ovulating women. Hey, why not, it’s a plausible theory, just like the one that produced those survey results about attractive women. They have their theories, now I have mine. Women who are murdered by soft, feminine men are usually ovulating at the time of their murder. Making up stories is fun.

I’m going to keep a close watch on my ears and breasts. And soft men. I’ll keep you posted. Now you do the same.