(Michael Moore?)

Dear Life,

Hi! How are you today? I am fine, although I still haven’t moved from the couch since last night. What can I say, it’s a really comfortable couch. *Does your family say COMfortable or CUMfortable? Did you happen to catch Michael Moore on Jay Leno? I’m a bit concerned about his weight. He’s way too fat for his own good. The book he’s pushing looks interesting, it’s about letters from soldiers. But, getting back to how he looks, he reminded me of the dad from Family Guy. Or maybe Walter Hudson - at least I think that was his name? He was really fat. I think he’s dead now, but he was still alive when they chopped up parts of his house to airlift him and his bed. Now, that’s fat.

So. What else is new? I’m feeling rather homeless, which is not really new at all. What’s ironic about all this was I was sitting next to a homeless woman on the F train yesterday. She was definitely crazy, but I like talking to crazy people sometimes. She told me how hard it was to be homeless, and I wanted to tell her how I understood. Of course she was also pushing all of her wares on me, trying to sell me a hat for $6 and a ring for some other price. “C’mon, she said, I’m homeless.” Whatever. Then she told me about how all children are really instinctual killers. “Give them a toy gun,” she says, “and they’ll show you how to shoot it.” She says that she gets beat up every night by kids at Grand Central Station (I say change your location lady) and that the police are in on it. They steal her makeup, because that’s what’s most valuable to her. “I ain’t 21 anymore,” she says. *She does have a rather fine technique for the application of makeup. This, she states, is what makes her look as if she’s not homeless.

Oh, this subway ride was wild. Between the not so crazy, crazy, homeless lady telling me about the evils of small children, to the middle-aged, attractive, lesbian ladies across the way, who actually put on their glasses so they could appreciate my scarf, it was a fun trip. Then they proceeded to admire me and say things like “I love your use of color,” and “Look how bright you are!” Yes, I know, they were just trying to get in my pants. Or did I mean how I wanted them to want to get into my pants? Hmmm… Reminded me of how I walk through life in another dimension sometimes, one that allows me to have these types of experiences.

Uhm, I think I have a crush. I will admit when I have crushes because there’s no substantial foundation or substance to the relationship as of yet. A crush can just disappear, but it’s still fun, fresh and fantastic when nothing has happened. I do want to go out at least once with this boy. He has most definitely caught my attention. So, I’m enjoying this crush on a really interesting crushee. Then of course there’s Orange Crush. But, I’ve never been much good at changing a subject.

Today’s Nov. 30th. It’s one of those days where I know a lot of things going on. My sister turns 25. A significant person I once knew turns 28. Six years ago today I ended a nine year relationship. I lost an apartment (fine, that was yesterday, but still it’s only a day later) and tomorrow is December (yes, I’m stretching things now).

What’s new with you? Are you still working with that weird guy, what’s his name again, I think you said Death? How’s the family? Is your mother doing better? I’m sure you’re situation will improve, remember it is what you make of it. I think about you often, and wonder what’s in store for us now. Keep your energy going and remember to floss after you brush, but don’t practice what you preach.

Stay in touch always.