Merry Christmas from me and the cat.

The following has nothing to do with cats.

Five ways I’d want my stocking stuffed this Christmas day.

1. With a Surprise Stuffing. The kind where you have no idea it’s about to happen, and then for reasons beyond your control, it’s happening. It would be like slipping it in at the last second. Could be a quickie, since you weren’t expecting it, or it could be slow and sensual and a pleasant way to pass the afternoon. The nice thing about this stuffing is that it’s totally unplanned and unpredictable.

2. A Mr. Spanky Stuffing. I like being naughty better than nice, and besides, who needs Mr. Hanky when you have Mr. Spanky? Okay, that was dumb, but I’m not going to take it out and I don’t have one of those cool cross out mechanisms on my blog interface, so whatever. I want the human drums played on my ass. And then I want it kissed. And then he can stuff me.

3. An If Santa Fell Down the Chimney Stuffing. A little role play between me and Santa. He