Four “news” stories from the past four days:

1.Paris Hilton says no…to a blow up doll.
As reported here, Hilton apparently turned down the chance to have a life size blow up version of Paris Hilton. Apparently she doesn’t want the whole world to have the chance to f—k her. Honestly, I’d probably screw Paris just to say I did it, but I don’t think I’d ever sink so low as to want to screw her blow up doll. Especially a blow up doll with a hefty $50,000 price tag. If I had that kind of money to spend on getting my rocks off, I’d just go with a pro.

2. A pornstar states the obvious.
Jenna Jameson told the NY Post that she thinks male pornstars are grody to the max. Even though she’ll get paid exorbitant sums of money to act like she likes it, Jameson apparently finds male pornstars are lousy lays. And she reveals the shocking truth, that most of the dudes are on viagra (I know it’s surprising).

3.Massachussettes is the true swing state.
Swaying back and forth on the rights of same sex marriage, local heteros are still trying to find a way around allowing same sex couples the same f—ing rights that they have. On Tuesday, legislators voted to move forward with a constitutional amendment that would define marriage as “the union between a man and a woman,” instead of a union between two people. This would null and void all previous same-sex marriages that the state has allowed. The amendement will still have to be placed on the Nov. 2008 election ballot, if it continues to gain power, but what I really want to know is why do some people get to be the boss of us all?

4. Man leaves child in search of porn.
Okay, not exactly, but yeah, sort of. A man in Murrysville, PA left his three year old son alone in a car while he dilly-dallyed in a local porn palace. The boy was crying in the front seat when some nice, friendly construction workers saw him and called the police. He was alone for over 40 minutes, which is so totally wrong no matter where the father was…this part I understand. But if he had left the boy alone in the car at a supermarket or a pizza joint, I hope this would have still been completely as shocking. I mean I hope this isn’t about the where, that it’s more about the what. Cause he’s a sh–ty parent, porn or no porn.