A sock puppet at Venice beach contemplates the meaning of life.

Happy St. Patricks Day! I am so not Irish, although on occasion I’ve had a little (well more like a short and thick) Irish in me. Bud, ump, bump…

Any woman out there ever have a fantasy about getting paid for sex? Anyone? I could really use a fantasy on this topic…email me at hottwax@gmail.com.

Now, as I have a new appreciation for blow up dolls, this story caught my attention. Apparently some high school boys did not get in trouble for manhandling a blow up doll. Thank heavens because I’ve manhandled a blow up doll before too, and if they got in trouble then I would have felt bad about my own adventures with Officer Sukkit (who came complete with blow up gun and thigh holster). There is something about a blow up doll that makes me want to shove things in holes.

Speaking of blow up dolls, or women with inflatable chests, I’m sitting here thinking about the things I miss about LA, which can be summed up in a few words, including weather and bobas (those are the tapioca balls that you get in certain slushy/tea drinks and since I love to suck my balls through a straw, or at least I love to just say that I do - I now love and am quite obsessed with bobas). Other things I miss are Mischa, good Mexican food, hosting on Playboy Radio and the good people trying to do good things in the porn industry. And there are things I don’t miss too, mainly things that have to do with creepy porn people and cars - including traffic, driving everywhere, gas prices, drivers who speed up when you need to change lanes and drivers who cut you off. LA sucks for driving, and this is one thing I don’t miss (and one thing I was happy to not have to deal with this morning as people were shoveling out the snow from under their cars).

But I’m missing nature, and shorter buildings and feeling healthy. My promise to me when I finish this book is to give myself a few weeks off, to reassess my direction in life and in career and to figure out where the f**k I need to be. But I’m not going to have to make any immediate decisions, because I’ve done that before and until I think this through, rash decisions need not apply.