I’ve been thinking a lot about babies lately. Not unlike my friend Rachel, who’s made it perfectly clear that she wants one of her own, I’ve started wondering, do I? I’m 32 years old, an age where if nothing shakes the boat, I can still do and be anything I want. People in their late teens/early 20’s probably still think 32 sounds old, and I understand because I thought that way once, but now I know it’s not (and besides I don’t look old). For the most part I feel like 32 is the new 23, especially if you’re dyslexic. I do, however, feel old when I think about wanting a baby. Before the last year and a half I never thought about having a child. I never thought I’d have to make a decision anytime in the not so distant future. I figured I’d have a whole lifetime to decide, and then I could choose if and when I was ready. But the more my friends start to have their first, or second, children the more I realize that I’m not getting any younger, and that after 35 there are a lot more complications that come with having a happy, healthy, bouncing ball of joy.
Fine, 35 is still two and a half years away, and that means I still have almost two years to decide, but two years can, and will, go by so fast. I hate that time speeds up as you age, but it does. When I was a child, a trip to the doctor’s office - which was practically around the corner from my house - felt like it took days, and summer never seemed to come fast enough. It doesn’t work like that anymore. It’s like as we get older someone toggles our joystick so that life starts to speed up, and it never slows down again. Which is why I’m thinking about this now. Oh, and because of my families medical history, which is the kind of history you wish someone else’s family had to deal with, and not your own. There’s lots of cancer, and heart problems and happy things like that on both sides of my fence, so I know that the earlier I make my decisions the better it will be for both me and the kid. And who knows, I may look back at this post when I’m 38 and pregnant and laugh at my premature cut off date, but for right now, I feel the need to give myself a time line.
It’s hard to know if and how you’ll deal with a kid. All my friends who have them have had positive life changing, and reaffirming, experiences. Of course they all wanted children, got married and did it the pre-approved way. I don’t know yet about marriage. I mean I love my partner, but it’s not something we have this itch to jump into. It doesn’t mean we won’t do it, and it doesn’t mean we will, but it does mean we’re not going to right now.
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