What would you do with Mary Carey’s breast implants if you won them on eBay? Here are ten things I would probably never do (since I’d never own them) but I figured it would be a fun game to try to think of things to do with them if they became mine. The real question is why would you buy them in the first place? (Oh yeah, cause she’s selling them for charity, that’s why!)

10. Suck the silicone out of each implant, little by little, until its all gone and see if silicone has the same effect as helium when inhaled.

9. Use them as butt implants.

8. Freeze them and use them as ice packs for your cooler. Then show them off to friends/coworkers at the next football game or company picnic.

7. Learn to juggle.

6. Use them on airplanes in lieu of those disgusting pillows they give out for free.

5. Bronze them.

4. Have your son/daughter bring them to the “show and tell” at their school.

3. Resell them on eBay since after you purchased them you realized buying used breast implants, no matter who’s they were, was just a dumb waste of money.

2. Donate them to another charity auction.

1. Implant them back in you. Haven’t you always wanted a little bit of pornstar close to your heart?