Fine. Not everybody gets off from work today, but more people probably get off today than any other day of the year. So, in order to best celebrate Christmas, may I suggest the following:

Fuck a fat, jolly man. Ride a reindeer like they’ve never been rode before.
Light up more than the tree - (uhm, in case that didn’t translate, it means get lit.) Eat an E.L. Fudge cookie (”e” as in everybody, “l” as in love and “f” as in fudge) and then tell all your friends you once ate out an elf. Spike the egg nog with acid.

It’s Christmas, and whatever you do, even if it’s eat Chinese Food and take thee to Atonement (or any other movie)… enjoy getting off - and yes, I meant that in the most hands-on sort of way!