Since it was recently discovered (or uncovered) that former governor Eliot Spitzer liked to wear black socks to bed, there’s been a bit of buzz on the “under the covers sock debate.” Some people say socks are a no-go, while others don’t care if they, or their partners, do it with them on or off. In the socks vs. no socks debate, I would opt out of debating, because I don’t care about them one way or the other. Unless of course they smell worse than your feet, then I care a lot. But I think wearing thigh-high socks, whether they be solid, striped or pretty patterns, can be as sexy as wearing heels to bed, and besides, since my feet always get/are cold, socks keep me comfortable.

However, we are living in a media world, and this sock story is no longer just about socks. In other words, this sock story has taken off on its own two feet. So much so that today I’ve received numerous requests to do radio interviews on the subject of socks and intimacy.

See, I was quoted in the Daily News, in an article that started out with this sentence:

If former Gov. Eliot Spitzer really had sex with his socks on, it may have signaled a fear of intimacy during his trysts with high-priced hookers, sex experts said Sunday.

And while yes, I agreed that it could be a sign of a fear of all things intimate, I also believe that it may not be a sign at all. I mean this is someone he’s paying to have sex with, and therefore a seemingly unimportant decision, like whether or not Spitzer, or any other person for that matter, leaves their socks on or off is really an open and shut, who cares anyway, sort of case. It’s not a big deal at all. It’s personal preference. Or perhaps it’s being considerate to the person you’re with. Maybe you have the stinkiest, nastiest feet with pointy nails that could rip through skin and you didn’t get a chance to trim them before your tryst - wouldn’t you want to leave your socks on too?

And why are we still caring about how Spitzer liked to do it? Is it because we think wearing mid-calf-length black socks while doing it is a fashion faux-pas, or because we have nothing better to focus on? Sure, they aren’t the sexiest socks in the world, but at least he wasn’t wearing white gym socks with sweat stains on the soles.

Perhaps this is what the media wants to hear. Eliot Spitzer’s socks were a cry for help. He wore them because he was getting cold feet about cheating on his wife, and he was hoping that his sex worker friend would catch on and save his soul and refuse to sleep with him unless he was 100% sure that he wanted her. Sptizy wanted “Kristen” to demand that he remove his socks in order to prove his desire for her. Is that what they’re going for? Because that’s about as likely as Elvis Presley returning for his Resurrection Tour.

And if your partner wears socks to bed, and you don’t want them to, then take their socks off yourself. Move down his or her legs, kissing the knees, the calves, the ankles and as you do this, slowly unroll their socks. Remove one sock, then the other, and then kiss the top of their feet (if you want to). If the feet have recently been cleaned and you feel like doing more, suck on the big toe and make your way down to the baby toe. After a few minutes of nibbling on the piggies, head back up towards your partners family jewels and do what it is you do best.

If the sight or smell of your partner’s feet is a turn off to you, but you still want them to take off their socks for some unknown reason and they haven’t, ask them to take them off themselves. And then proceed to doing what it is you do best.

And let’s just put a sock in this whole sock thing now.

Link to Daily News sock article here.