Sometimes I feel confused about sex. About my own sex life. About sharing a lot, or a little or nothing at all. Sometimes I think that as a person immersed in talking, studying, reading about sex that I should want to have sex all the time, that my relationships should be defined by sex. I have good sex with my boyfriend of over 3.5 years, but even now, when we’re packing to get out of town for the weekend, he isn’t so optimistic on the number of condoms to bring.
“Just three?” I question, as he begins to pack them in our bag.
“Should we bring more?,” he asks.
Three. That’s one for each day, as long as we don’t have a mishap like a rip or an *erection defection. Three. Once a day for three days. Is that a lot or a little in my relationship right now?
If three is my lucky number, and we really only need one per time, and we will be with my parents, and we do live together, and we aren’t getting out of town to have sex in new places, is three enough?
Yeah, I’ve been giving myself orgasms (albeit often with his help) almost every day this month, but then I read someone like debauchette, whom I greatly admire for both her mind and the one time I met her, her body too (when I say met, I mean introduced as in “Jamye this is Debauchette,” who had a different name now than then). And she makes me think of how important sex can be in a relationship. But I ask the rhetorical question, should sex define a relationship if the person’s line of work is in sex?
Even sex with myself doesn’t define who I am. Even if sometimes I have to have an orgasm. Sometimes I have to stop everything I’m doing to whack one out. But I’m more than my orgasms, even if that’s all I’m focused on this month. And yes, I had two, one each day the past two days that I’ve been in bed, doing nothing, not even wanting to lift my eroscillator to my clit. I’ve managed to bang two out..and move on. Because I’m just that committed.
But I’m stuck on the importance of sex in a relationship. I know it changes over time, but does it change you over time too?
*erection defection - when a hard dick goes flaccid as a result of putting on a rubber
