I’m sitting at my desk staring down a box of pills that promises to increase my desire and pleasure. I’ve been staring at the same box for almost a week now, the one with instructions like “consult a physician before using this product if you have a family history of heart disease, liver disease, kidney disease, how “good” cholesterol (HDL)…” and I’m wondering not only how I know if I “how” good cholesterol, but also if I feel this product is safe enough to ingest. I do have a thirty day supply.

I’m supposed to write a review of it for Xbiz, and while I said yes to reviewing the product, my boyfriend is encouraging me to say no. He doesn’t think I should ingest a pill that guarantees, in it’s new! just for women! formula that it will enhance my arousal and response, boost passion and increase sexual intensity – things he apparently doesn’t think I need help with, and things I never expected, or desired, to find in a pill.

I sit here deciding what to do. I don’t like ingesting things I don’t know, like GABA (and why is it the only ingredient that is written in all caps?), chrysin and shilajit.  I’m not all that adventurous when it comes to what food I put in my mouth, let alone what pills. Although, come to think of it, I won’t say that I’ve never ingested an adventurous pill, but I can say I’ve never ingested a pill whose sole purpose was to make you more adventurous in bed.

I’ve never quite understood how they get you in the mood, and honestly I’m not passionate enough about herbal sex tablets to donate my body for the cause. I imagine that the pills send some warm, tingly sensations to your genitals, making you aware that your vulva wants attention and then you either like how it feels or you think it’s too much attention. Either way, the pill works because whether you’re itchy and scratchy or you’re totally stimulated and warm, something inside of you tells you that you must touch yourself.  Or perhaps your heart beats so fast after ingesting black cohosh standardized extract that you think love will set it straight.

So, will a few days hurt me? A few days of muira puama extract and boron? I can search around online, sure, but no website can guarantee to explain how my body will react. It’s totally individual. Like this decision to ingest the herbs is.

One thing is certain. There’s only one way to find out if my sexual hope and happiness come in the form of a combination of damiana and horney (their spelling, not mine) goat weed extract. And so I’m almost ready to pop. Almost.