March 08, 2005
Things with Balls
Is there something wrong with you if you know that you're not going to be near your computer tomorrow, so you start typing tomorrow's blog tonight? And then still you don't publish it until 11:25PM.
Just asking.
Ooh, that almost felt like a Page Six item, you know one of those 'just asking' blips. And why isn't Page Six always on Page Six? Whatever. Page Six is tabloid trash, just like the rest of that damn newspaper. However, I will admit that when and if I am to indulge in a paper that won't take me all day to read on a Sunday, which is when I prefer the NY Times, then this is my paper of choice. It's so bad that it's good. Hence, why I sometimes read Page Six - oh, and I always read my horoscope.
I don't want to talk about Page Six anymore.
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There's a visual from this past weekend that I can't seem to shake from my mind. And even though I'm going to tell you what it is, the shame of it is that you'll never really get to fully understand what I saw, because I don't have a picture to go along with my experience. I'm kicking myself now because I was offered a picture and I refused. I didn't want to remember what it was at the time, but now that I can't get it out of my mind I might as well have the visual imagery to go along with the rest of the story.
Okay. This guy was naked at this party on Saturday night. He was an "older" man, probably in his late 50s or early 60s and not one of the most in shape people I've ever seen. He had a belly that hung low, and would have probably covered his entire nuts and bolts, only I don't think they could have been covered. Yeah. That's the thing. Of course I stared a little bit at first when I saw what I thought was a coconut shell covering his penis and sac. In fact I was so sure that he was wearing the shell of a fruit, that I didn't continue to stare.
And then, later in the evening, he was performing on the stage in the front room of this party and I happened to wander in. He was reading out of a notebook, a piece entitled “Why I Like to Be Naked” and it was then that I decided to stare some more at his balls. The longer and harder I stared the more I realized that I was indeed staring at his naked scrotum, not some coconut shell outer covering. And I still couldn’t find his penis!!!! I asked my friend E. if he could see anything and as we pointed and stared we both realized that we could see something....we could both see his really large nutsac. I'm talking larger than any other ball sac I've ever seen.
He got off the stage and I asked my friend E. if I could ask him where his penis was. He said as long as I did it nicely. So when I asked, and finally saw it, I realized he had some sort of elephantitus of the balls. And I'm thinking he may have even done this to himself, with some sort of saline injection. I don't know. I don't want to talk about it anymore.
It's taken me all day to finish this damn thing.
Posted by jamye at March 8, 2005 11:39 AM