jamYe waXman. seX matters.

Sisterhoods

Abiola Abrams, me, Candida Royalle. The sisterhood of cinematic sexuality. Or "Candy's Angels." You decide.

Rachel Kramer Bussel addressed it in one of her earlier posts this week, and Audacia Ray and I have been talking about it for quite some time, and now I feel the need to say something on the topic too.

It's about the sisterhood of sex educators. The one that doesn't really exist, although the beginnings of a secret society of New York based sex educators is, I feel, on the verge of emerging. RKB is probably the best sex educator and writer I know when it comes to connecting, as everybody I ever talk to is always about to meet her for lunch, but for some reason I think a lot of us fall short in terms of forming a bond.

I want other women like me to support me and I want to support them. I want them to enjoy me as I enjoy them. To laugh at me, with me or because of me. To learn at me (shut up, I say it makes sense so it does), with me or because of me. And I want other sex educators to call me on my shit. Not that I want there to be shit to call me on.

Women are innately competitive and to some extent jealous of each other, especially of their successes. While I can't say I've never been jealous, I like to think that I am sincerely happy for most people I know. Still, I feel like it's easy to feel isolated and in turn jealous when you aren't communicating with "your posse." Sex educators are, in some ways, my posse.

So I want to let the floodgates open, and I want to put myself out there more, and communicate better. And I feel like it's starting to happen. Having the lovely Audacia Ray by my side last night after the New School panel was a blessing and a gift. Having dinner with the talented and smart, and increasingly sexy as her belly grows more pregnant Ellen Friedrichs was not only fun and informative, but it gave me that warm, let's support each other, fuzzy feeling inside.

It's nice to know that there's a home grown group of fantastic educators out there, and it's even nicer to know that most of us want to, and willingly support, each other. It's just that I know most of us feel this way because of email and blogs, and not through direct one on one contact. And that's where it's got to change. So, now I'm going to take some initiative. I'm going to set a date for some of those of us who are willing and ready and able to support each other to get together and do it.

Odds are you're not invited, but I promise to share what I learn. And odds are, if you're not invited it's either because you're:
a. not a sex educator, or
b. you don't live close enough to just come over for the night.
c. Or maybe it has nothing to do with that, and it's something else entirely. If that's the case, you might never know.

And thanks to everyone I met yesterday at the New School. You made my experience so worthwhile, and happy.

And one last thing I do know; I do know that I want to know more about the fact that men can have 7 different types of orgasms, while women can have 10. I don't know where I found this statistic, but apparently it's true. I mean, c'mon I read it in a book somewhere. Question is, can you name the different types of orgasms?

Oh yeah. And I've got a new one up on Souldish.

This Friday

Oh my goddess, I love this site!! Thanks Kvetchmeister C of Polenblog.

Now...Friends, Romans, Countrymen...Lend me your ears this Friday at 4PM (if you're so inclined).

Fanny packs, hugging and well, other stuff

Oh, so many thoughts, which might be the problem with the human mind.

Which is less cool, a fanny pack or a man purse? I only ask because I unintentionally burst out laughing last night when a close friend of mine said to her boyfriend-turned fiancee-now soon to be husband, "Honey, can you mail this letter? I left it under your fanny pack." See, in my neck of the woods, fanny packs are sort of a taboo. At least that's how 'others' see them.

I have one. I love mine. I'd wear it all the time, except that I carry around too much stuff to fit in just one fanny, but most of my friends don't agree. Whenever I wear my fanny pack, I get teased and made fun of. My friends think that fanny packs are for other people, like tourists. But I say a fanny pack is a good pack any time of the year.

So, last night, when I sqawked at the fanny pack, I asked my friend's boyfriend-turned fiancee-now soon to be husband if he would ever consider switching to the man purse. They both laughed at me, said no, and went on to discuss the merits of one's fanny pack over the embarrassment of a man purse.

I dunno.

I'm proud that they're proud of the fanny pack. It's just not something you hear people being proud of all that often anymore. I am proud to carry around my fanny pack too, well on the rare occasion that I'm not carrying around all that much and that I can carry it around. But I'm not like most. Are you?

Now...what if you could never hug a human being? Could never hold a baby, or more importantly your baby? Pet a dog or cat? What would that feel like to you? I can't and don't really want to imagine it, but I watched a fantastic movie last night, in which this happened to be the case. It was about a man named Jose Flores, who was born without any arms. (He also happened to be born with some very short legs, meaning yes, he's a- I'm going to be politically incorrect here - a dwarf), but apparently that's not the focus of the movie.

The movie, Born Without, was super touching, and as it progressed, very revealing. What a story!!! If and when it's finished I hope you see it.

I saw a rough cut, so it's not out for the public now, but it might be soon.

And the best part was Jose Flores was super happy. He loved and enjoyed every moment of his life, his wife and his seven children. And it made you realize that even in the most difficult of circumstances some people find joy, whereas others cannot. But, obviously, if you make it a priority, it is there.

And speaking of joy. Big news as I just signed my first contract to write something other than a magazine article. Will say more soon. And this Friday, 4PM I'm at the New School with Candida Royalle, Abiola Abrams and Ann Snitow. More info. to be posted soon! If you can make it, please do.

The end of the fast

I never knew I'd become a cat person. This is Baxter.

I'm done with the fast. After three days (counting the day I tried to cheat, but vomited up the food instead) and after listening to the words of many a concerned friend, I have decided that this fast is not right for me. While, because of my lifelong obsession, albeit a sick one, with weight, I loved some of the 'effects' of the fast, I also love food, and I realize that three days are more than enough without food and that life is too short to deprive myself of said thing.

Of course, you have to reintroduce food back into the body slowly, so today it's all about soup. And my boy is still fasting, something that worries me, as he never weighed much, wet or dry, and now he weighs much less, but that's his trip not mine. Well, at least that's what I keep telling myself.

I feel good about what I did, I mean three days has to do some sort of bodily cleansing, and while for a moment, I felt like a failure, I now know that I am not. I also know that I'm not one to fast on a regular basis, even if my spiritually conscious boyfriend is, and while I love doing everything together, sometimes we don't have to do everything together.

Still, it's nice to have a partner, and I will be here to support him over these next few foodless days.

In other news, I may have some other big news to report this week. Stuff I'm excited about and stuff I'm working on. And it's a Saturday and tonight I'm planning on dancing, after I finish teaching a class. FYI - I love teaching, esp. bachelorette parties, so if you know of anyone having one, suggest me to them.

Okay, now I'm going back to other work. Sometimes I just have to stop long enough to blog. I'm a whore. What can I say?

oh, yeah, if you want to read more about what I wrote about the fast before I decided to quit it, read it here or just go to Souldish.com.

Fasting on 420

Where I spent last weekend

Last night was more than not so good. Actually, it was terrible. When you have a loving, caring partner who will actually clean up your vomit, you know your in good company, but when you have nothing but liquids to vomit, you get a little scared about your health. And then when you read on one of the master cleanse diets that only in severe cases, the kind where people are ultra toxic, do you have the nauseous and vomiting that may ensue, as it did last night, to me. And this makes me wonder, what kinds of toxins are leaving my system, and am I a diseased little girl?

I know I've been a party girl for way too long, and maybe now, at 31, my party days are numbered. I want to feel healthy. I want to feel alive and connected to my body. I'm thinking of giving up drinking completely, with certain clauses like when I'm out of town, or on special occasions, it's okay (once in a while). I think that was last night's lesson. Between one end and the other, I lost a lot of stuff at around 10PM Wednesday. Thankfully, I didn't lose my dignity, as I have a fantastic boyfriend to help me get through the roughest of times. But everything else, well that's gone now.

I almost even cheated. Or, more technically had food stayed down it would have been over. I tried to eat some soup and an almond, but nope, no luck. I did however manage to scarf down a couple of Motrin, which did help with the headache. I'm sure that wasn't a very fast-like thing to do, but last night I wasn't feeling very fast-like.

So, today I decided after little contemplation, to try, once again, to get on with the fast. While yesterday I exercised, today there will be no such ridiculousness. Not until I can guarantee a headache free evening.

Only a few more days of this. Well, actually a little more than a few, but I'm trying not to count. Instead, I'm trying to drink as much of this fast food as I can. Anything to avoid last night from happening ever again.

That is my wish for today.

Oh, and for those of you not fasting, and into the date, It is 420. A very green day, but also the day of Columbine (just as I bring you high, I can also take you low).

Springing Clean My Body

The things you do for love.

I'm not feeling so hot right now. I'm trying that master cleanse fast again. It's not that I'm doing it for Jonny, it's just that I wouldn't be doing it if he wasn't doing it. And since he's doing it, and since we live together, and I can't imagine not sharing something like this with him, I'm doing it AGAIN. Yes, again, as in I did this last year and remembered thinking at the end of last year, thank goddess it's over, cause I don't want to go through this again.

Maybe I thought we'd be over by the time it got around to April again. But, really, I don't think I thought that, but who knows, maybe I did. But no, we're still together, and not it's April, and I've kept pushing him back so we could find the ideal time to stop eating, although there's never really an ideal time to stop eating, is there?

I crave french toast. It might have more than something to do with the fact that I'm drinking maple syrup, yes maple syrup is one of the four staples in the master cleanse (The other three are water, lemon and cayenne pepper). It doesn't help that all I want to do is grab a handful of almonds and devour each tiny nut in my mouth. Or that I have both my period and a headache right now. No, none of this is making my master cleanse experience happy. And it's not helping that everywhere I turn I see some sort of advertisement for food. I'm noticing just how much food is served in New York on a more hyper sensitive level. Perhaps it has to do with the fact that I AM HYPERSENSITIVE right now.

So, why do it? Well, since I'm not doing it for, just with, Jonny, there has to be some other logical explanation, right? Right.

I'm spring cleaning out my body, mind and soul. That's really what it comes down to. Getting rid of some of that winter heaviness and hoping that it lends itself to a light and easy spring and summer. And especially since I "chowed down, wide load", these past few days, it's getting my body back on track to perform at it's peak. Plus, I'm hoping it helps clear up my ear thing, which is still quite the common concern in my life.

So, even though I wouldn't do this without Jonny, I guess it doesn't hurt to be doing it with him. After all, it's nice to share.

Kate Bornstein banned.

Kate Bornstein is not only a talented and gifted writer, performer, speaker and person, she is also one of the most kind hearted, good natured and well intentioned people I have ever met.

In order to understand the absurdity of what has happened to her, I have decided to post the article, in it's entirety right here. I sometimes forget, because I'm constantly surrounded by people and situations that aren't necessarily "normal" for everyone, that the outside world is still so messed up. BUT alas, it is.

This isn't about sex. Kate's book isn't about sex. It's a guide for students who are learning to cope. Who don't fit in. Who want to know there are alternatives. Things can and will be okay. But apparently, they'll have to learn this the hard way.

And even through it all, Kate is still positive. You have to love her. Trust me, you do.

Bedford schools cancel speech by transsexual
By DAVID MCKAY WILSON
THE JOURNAL NEWS
(Original Publication: April 14, 2006)
BEDFORD — Town school officials canceled the appearance of noted transsexual Kate Bornstein at next week's Wellness Day at Fox Lane High following a businessman's complaint that it was inappropriate for teens to hear her message.

Bornstein was expected to talk to students in a workshop based on her upcoming book, "Hello Cruel World: 101 Alternatives to Teen Suicide." Bornstein, who was born male and became a woman through surgery in the late 1970s, today considers herself neither man nor woman.

According to Amazon.com, the book provides strategies to stay alive for teens that range from "the playful (Moisturize) to the irreverent (Disbelieve the binary) to the highly controversial (Get Laid. Please.)."

Mount Kisco insurance agency owner Phil Christe said he asked Schools Superintendent Debra Jackson to stop Bornstein's appearance after finding her Web site and learning more about her.

"Why would a person, who is neither man nor woman, who is obviously confused, come to speak about gender, much less teen suicide?" Christe said. "The school has a fascination with controversy, but that's not a compelling enough reason to invite her."

It's the second speech on gender issues in a northern West-chester high school called off in the past two weeks. In late March, Kevin Jennings, founder of the Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network, canceled his speech at Somers High after parents objected.

Bornstein, who had planned to speak in Bedford before traveling upstate that day to be the keynote speaker at Syracuse University's Rainbow Banquet, said she was disappointed when she learned that she was no longer invited to speak to Fox Lane students.

Most of her appearances have been on college campuses or with teen clubs for gay and lesbian students.

"I knew it was a big responsibility, and it was brave of them to bring in a freak like me," said Bornstein, a Manhattan resident. "I really wanted to do it right. I wanted to encourage the teens to be whatever helps them stay alive in this mad, mad world. I wanted to encourage them not to be mean, and not let the bullies get away with being bullies."

Bornstein had been approved by the Board of Education to be among 60 speakers at the annual Wellness Day, a daylong series of workshops and talks. Jackson said she looked into Christe's complaint and asked the 20-member Wellness Day Committee to reconsider Bornstein's invitation.

Jackson was troubled by a link on Bornstein's Web site, www.tootallblondes.com, to her partner's Web site, which featured Miss Vera's Finishing School, a service that assists men who want to dress up as women. It also includes a phone service for $2.95 a minute.

"We were aware of her book and her professional work, but I asked the Wellness Committee if they were aware of the phone service," Jackson said. "It turns out they weren't aware of it, and decided not to include her."

Fox Lane senior Lauren Mann, one of two students on the committee, said the group decided to cancel Bornstein's appearance because it didn't want the controversy over one workshop to overshadow the entire day. But she said she was disappointed that students wouldn't get to hear Bornstein's story.

"Teens need to understand what's going on out in the world," she said. "I was really looking forward to it. For students who were questioning their gender, it would have showed them they don't have to be an outcast, it's something normal and happens to a lot of people. I know there are kids who wanted to know more about it."

Now appearing on Souldish

If you haven't read my piece on food and sex, it's here for the taking.

Combustion

Last night I was meant to explode. I'm lucky I didn't, but yes, last night, my body had decided that it was on the verge of combustion. I couldn't handle anymore. Food. Drink. Air. Last night, I totally overconsumed.

It's a cycle I go through. A part of who I am, and how I eat. I hate myself the next day, but last night my brain shut off so my mouth could function on it's own, and at ease. Not such a good thing. Especially when you're body isn't used to working that way anymore. I used to eat a lot. But not so much anymore, which is part of the reason I've lost 20 pounds. I can't eat like I used to, well, unless of course I'm in that cycle. But that cycle only lasts a day or two, before I begin to cleanse again. The cycle sucks though. Last night it sucked the worst. I couldn't physically shove any more food down my throat. My tummy hurt so bad. I needed to throw up, but I didn't want to stick a finger down my throat. I'm not that kind of girl.

Still, last night I could have been (that kind of girl). After all, at a Passover Seder, I just eat and eat and eat. It's not like there's much else to do, except drink. Have you ever been to a Passover Seder?

And now I'm still not fully recovered. I'm hoping to walk some of it off today. I'm hoping to walk the rest off tomorrow. And then I'm planning on doing that liquid fast next week - the Master Cleanse. Hopefully, all will go as planned, and after tonight's Passover seder (yes, I'm a two time good Jew this year) I will not combust.

Because I'm not ready to explode. Well, not like that anyway.

Ducky Doolittle Does A Lot

I have known Ducky Doolittle for many years. Not only is she one of the most prolific sex educators, performers and kind hearted people I know, but her new book, Sex with the Lights On, is the most entertaining and informational sex book out there, and I highly recommend everyone - from basic beginners to ultra advanced - pick up a copy. Ducky is so talented that she's also done all the illustrations in the book. And she's fascinating. She has this really incredible and inspirational life story to go along with the beautiful woman that you will get the chance to meet if you can come to one of her signings.

She's kicking it all off in New York next week. I'll be there fer sure.

April 18th / NEW YORK, NY
Book Party and Q&A with Ducky Doolittle
National sex educator, writer and comedian Ducky Doolittle will be here to sign copies of her newest book Sex with the Lights On: 200 Illuminating Sex Questions Answered. For more than a decade she has answered sex advice queries from thousands of women and men. In this book, Ducky not only answers the most-often asked question with a sex-positive open-mind, she gives readers permission to laugh and relax and to create the sex lives that best suit their own desires. See the poster.

WHERE: Babeland 43 Mercer Street, SoHo
TIME: 7:30pm
WHO: Individuals of every gender and sexual orientation.
TICKETS: FREE
INFO: www.babeland.com (212) 966-2120

The rest of her three month touring schedule is on her site.

Also, I'm still looking for couples OUTSIDE New York for a National Magazine article that will require you to do some "sex homework." You'll get a photo shoot, and possibly a flight to NY, courtesy of said magazine. If you and your sweetie might possibly be interested, please email me at jamyew@gmail.com. Oh, and send a picture of the two of you. Or two pictures, one of each of you.

Have you ever...

Me. A few days ago.

1. Picked your nose and ate it?
2. Made out with a neighbor?
3. Masturbated more than five times a day?
4. Gotten caned?
5. Produced an adult erotic movie?
6. Had a brazilian wax?

If you can answer yes to all of the above then you're just like me. I haven't picked my nose and ate it since my early teens. I haven't made out with a neighbor since my early teens. I haven't masturbated more than five times a day in the past few months. But I have gotten caned, and produced an erotic movie, all in the last few weeks. And what a last few weeks it's been.

Brazilian waxes are bad, but not so bad if you don't get the pussy lips waxed. (A brazilian wax includes butt hair, hair we ALL have, unless we aren't from this planet). I learned that this week. It didn't hurt that much, well okay, sometimes it did, especially on the mound, but not that bad. However, I did think it worse than the caning I got from Mistress Syren this past Friday. I liked that caning a lot. And I had lots of fun doing it. But...the producing..that was the most difficult, and at times painful, but mostly pleasurable experience I had all week. Well, I really did like getting caned and having a non-sex role in the movie, and yes, I smell an AVN best non-sex performer award in my not so distant future. But maybe I should save my cockiness until after the project is really completed.

Back to the producing. I've got lots of stories for a rainy day. From actors cancelling the day of a shoot to actors who can't get it up, I've had an action packed last few days, and actually weeks. Oh, the stories I will tell, after the wounds are not so fresh feeling, or maybe just when I've had more sleep, but I've learned a heck of a lot over these last few weeks, and it has been an honor and a pleasure to do what I've done.

Now, what is it I've done exactly? I feel like I've been fairly hush about my past few months, and I have, and will continue to be, for a number of reasons, but I will say this now. I managed to pull off a four day shoot, on a low budget erotic movie, and I made it all happen (with a lot of help of course). That part is now done. That doesn't mean that my participation is finished (it's not) or that I won't be doing this again (I will) but it means that I will get my first writing and producing credit with a major production house. I mean I did do that other film, back when I was doing more work with Playgirl TV, but I don't know when it will see the light of day. This one will see that light. And it will shine.

But today. Right now. It's all about the edit.

(re)Producing Sex

My latest podcast is up.

Listen to it now.

It'll give you a better understanding as to why I haven't been around so much.

It's because I've been (re)producing sex.

The Feel Better Shower, and other Irrelevancies

Me. Force-loving Blue.

Not insane crazy:

My father brings me something from a couple of Sunday's ago. It's an article, from his more local paper, that talks about the Sinclair Institute's Sexplorations Video Series. He's showing me this picture of the man behind the videos, and I look two rows back, and there I am. Well, I mean I knew I was there, having been to the Museum of Sex (MOSEX) only weeks ago to actually be there, but I'm in the picture too. Almost front and center. But my dad didn't notice. My boyfriend told me I looked bored. No comment.

We should take a year off and travel. That's my newest thought, although not an original one, and not necessarily coming out of nowhere. THPOB (the human parents of Blue) are doing just that, right now, and every time they send me pictures of their journey I remember that there is a little bit of Hershey in all of us. Not that the Hershey thing has anything to do with traveling the world, but it's just what I remember.

Maybe someday, before we can't, we will get to live out some of our dreams. And maybe not. Either way I loved the song "Maybe" from Annie. Well, honestly, I just loved Annie (the movie more than the musical).

And I love Daylight Savings Time, well, not yet, but I will love it starting sometime this week. The days not only get longer, but they also get warmer, and clothes are lighter and fluffier, and there are more people out on the streets. Okay in New York, people are always out, although when and where is really more of an age thing. When I was in my twenties, I used to go out to bars, and rarely did I ever see people over thirty hanging out in the same places. Of course I didn't see everyone, everywhere, but I do believe that "hangout bars" are a thing for the youth, or the alcoholics. I used to wonder where all the older people were (not old, just older) and now I know the answer. Socializing in smaller groups at smaller venues, private parties, readings and other sorts of gatherings, or at another person's place or a restaurant.

My body can't and won't party like it's 1999 anymore. If I drink heavily, I feel it the next day. At least until I shower. I generally feel better after a shower. It's like eating a cheeseburger (or so I'm told) and drinking a milkshake. But that doesn't work for me.

Instead I have the feel better shower.

And of course there are other, less feel better things, like this quote from today's NY Times in a story about "The Mobile Homeless."

"Last year was the first year on record, according to the National Low Income Housing Coalition that a full-time worker at minimum wage could not afford a one bedroom apartment ANYWHERE in the country at average market rates."

Insane. But then again, who isn't really? Okay not necessarily insane in that bad sort of way, but then again is there really an insane good? Actually, I think there is. If something is "insane good" it's so good you can't believe it could actually be this good, good. That's insane crazy.