So last week: Pink products don’t screen for breast cancer. A card that reads, “Yes, I am an orgasm donor.” The cover of Hot Sex.*

• The wolf in pink sheep’s clothing. Komen, Planned Parenthood and why the breakup was good for feminism. (TheNation)
• Republicans have more orgasms and Prince Charming was probably gay. A new match.com survey reveals more. (DailyBeast)
• WTF is “honest rape?” Ron Paul says only “honest rape” merits abortion. (rawstory)
• The Superbowl, sex trafficking and child prostitution. (SexualIntelligence)
• File under FASCINATING: Male spiders break off their “sex organ” in order to father more baby spiders. And also it helps avoid being eaten. (BBC)
• In Spain, the language of love is used to sell language. It may be cheesy, but at least they show condoms. (HuffPo)
• Coming soon? An artificial testicle that produces human sperm. (LAWeekly)
• Attention long distance relationship types: If you can’t kiss the real thing, kiss this pig. (TheStir)
• Six not-so-secret, in fact rather obvious, secrets to a happy, loving relationship. But just in case they’re still a secret to you… (MSNBC)
• Cynthia Nixon clarifies her stance on sexuality. (SFGate)

*Friendly reminder: It’s not too late to buy my latest book, Hot Sex: Over 200 Things You Can Try Tonight, for Valentines Day! And if you want an autographed copy, I can send one to you, just email me and we’ll make magic happen. hottwax at gmail.com

so last week: cheap divorce in NYC. the sunset in Jamaica and WTF in NYC.

• Gay actors go out, but they’re not out…of the closet. (Reuters)
• Why I think Cynthia Nixon rocks. (LGBTQnation)
• Newt Gingrich should shut the fuck up. (ibtimes)
• Tim Gunn pulled the trigger on his sex life 29 years ago. I love him for coming out. (LATimes)
• When it comes to online dating, it may not be there’s too little jam, their may be too many jars to choose from. (CNN)
• A pastor who advocated for more sex in marriage. But not gay marriage. (VICE)
• Seal calls split from Heidi Klum shocking. (BelfastTelegraph)
• New ways to date, and undate, online. (Jezebel)
• And if you’re dating online, don’t drunk text after midnight. Okay? (EditrixAbby)
• Drinking tea may prolong your sex life because you’re drinking tea and not having sex. (Limelife)

photo credit: Chadil Deffy

• “My view is that the G-spot is really just the extension of the clitoris on the inside of the vagina, analogous to the base of the male penis.”…and the G-spot controversy continues. (Today)
• Female feticide can be stopped by concealing the gender of the fetus for at least 30 weeks. (CTV)
• Dude marries his dead girlfriend before she’s buried and posts pics on facebook. Yes, you read that right. (MSNBC)
• LA County makes condom use mandatory in porn movies. (AfterDarkLA)
• On Newt, cheating and open relationships. (Forbes)
• So today: male sex drive to blame for world conflict. (Telegraph)
• Dating in the interest of women everywhere, one widow speaks up. (ObRag)
• Sexually speaking, what’s a girl to do? (LATimes)
• 10 handsome, successful men who were born female. (Oddee)
• Porn for pregnant women. A need is met. (BabyCenter)
• Porn and women. Some like it hot and hardcore. (DNA)

Do you think they’ll also be spot checking for dental dams? Or just snapping photos to send their friends? And when does safer sex start? When do condoms have to be used? Does oral count?

Obviously I have a lot of questions. And I also have a lot of opinions, and although I’d love to see a disease free world where safer sex was more exciting than love without condoms, I also think that there are bigger fish to fry than if porn stars use condoms. On the flip side, I like that people care about porn stars and their health and well being. No really, I do. What I want to know is why do they care?

Don’t get me wrong, there are parts of the industry I despise. There are parts that are icky, and having safety precautions for those in the industry who can’t, for some reason (age, lack of IQ, fear, etc.) stick up for themselves, isn’t a bad idea either.  The thing is, I hate the authority this will give law enforcement to check out any porn set they want. How many LAPD will be making the rounds of  just to say they’ve been on a porn set, or got to fine a porn performer? The novelty will eventually wear off, but at what cost?

There are STI’s floating around porn, but that doesn’t mean that condoms are always the answer.  It’s not atypical to have experienced the joy (can you feel the sarcasm) of gonorrhea, chlamydia, herpes, a grueling yeastie (as one friend affectionally calls yeast infections) or a UTI – if your day job is having sex on film. Most porn performers brush it off as part of the job. And the rates of HIV have always been low in the mainstream porn industry, condoms or no condoms, that’s not going to change much either.

My problem with the mandatory testing has always been that each performer has to do it once every 30 days. That means PRON MAN is tested (day one) allowing him to screw in a film anytime for thirty days. In the time he screws all of West Hollywood, then drives over the border to Mexico, and screws everyone in a small town, then engages in a wild orgy romp on his way back through San Diego and has sex on camera on day 28 (still clean according to the papers) even if he’s not so clean anymore. That’s because all this partying and porking took less than 29 days to achieve and PRON MAN didn’t have to get tested again for a whole other day.

Fine, that’s just one radical example, but the point is that it’s easy to get a clean test and then do dirty things for a whole month until a performer gets tested again. I’m not down with that, although everyone I’ve ever known in porn swears that the community is tight and small and in order to get into their tight and small vaginas (or in order for them to get in yours), you will seem clean, or be clean, or clean up your act before you work again.

Do I think condom use in porn should be mandatory? I think that condom use in porn should be accepted and expected, but when it comes down to it, each performer needs to make the decision for him or herself. If they opt out of using condoms, it doesn’t  hurt to have them sign a waiver, or a release, letting everyone know they are fully aware of their big girl or boy choice.

So while I say yes, let’s bring more awareness to safer sex, I also say let’s bring more awareness to the porn industry. Treat it like a legitimate business and it will act like one. Condoms or no condoms.

• Don’t say gay. Tennessee school actually bans everything homosexual. (thenewcivilrightsmovement)
• A look at some of the daring few who challenge the one child limit in China. (USAToday)
• Helen Gurley Brown and how Sex and The Single Girl, made unmarried, childless women less oddball-ish. (BBC)
• Do ask, do tell. Lesbian naval officer scores first kiss. Swoon. (HuffPo)
• So updated last week: Former ex-gay minister reveals he’s still gay and he can’t change that. (HuffPo)
• Young couples don’t marry so they don’t have to divorce. (LiveScience)
• RKB on negging. (TheFrisky)
• Meet the penis mom. (GirlonSaturday)
• The popularity and perfectionism behind butt sex. (Jezebel)
• Girls Gone Wild Elf and more. (LilBlueBoo)
• Chastity Belts. A very brief history. (Mosex)

my so last week: plungerhead and tahoe

• Why we need to stop bemoaning the end of men. (Forbes)
• Persons excited by penises, beware. Bananas and cucumbers lead to thinking about sex. (ibtimes)
• The ten naughtiest vegetables on earth. (OrganicAuthority)
• It’s time to legalize prostitution. (Salon)
• Teaching mutual satisfying consensual sex may help boys wait a little longer to “just do it.” (PsychologyToday)
• Toddlers touching their bits. (MadeForMums)
• A guide to farting in the middle of a blowjob, and then more non-sex questions. (DeadSpin)
• Uhm, yeah. Glow in the dark vagina dentata underwear. I like-y. Thx @MollyCrabapple (etsy)
• Polyamory with Jaiya. Meet my friends and fellow sex educator Jaiya, her partners Jon and Ian and their son Eamon. (DailyMail)
• Ye olde college try. Is it impossible for men and women to be just friends? (youtube)
• Why dating your opposite isn’t always attractive. (good.is)

In this week‘s Hot Sox podcast I’m joined by pioneering, feminist sex educator Amy Jo Goddard to discuss the large part that sexuality plays in our lives. Working on shame and patterns, Amy coaches women and couples through a nine-step program to help them get the things that they want out of their sex lives and relationships. What are the major issues couples have? From communication to sex skills, Amy Jo’s got you covered.

Plus building a community for sex educators, being authentic in our sex lives and what happens when sex educators need sex advice? Suggestions from one of the premier and authentic sex educators I have ever known, Amy Jo Goddard. For those in the New York area, you don’t want to miss her workshops either. And sex educators, take her online survey here.

Listen to the podcast here or via itunes.

Twitter: @amyjogoddard

Timely matter UPDATE:

We have a glitch with survey monkey so please hold off on answering the survey for now..In the meantime, here’s a little bit about the motivation behind making it happen. Our apologies!

Timely matter: My friend and fantastic professor, writer and researcher Hugo Schwyzer approached me a few months back about working together on a project about porn and self pleasure. Hugo was interested in learning more about women’s porn habits online. He said that not only has porn viewing by women increased, but he’d also talked with women who expressed a gendered idea. It was this idea that watching porn made them “act/feel more like a man.” I found that phrase fascinating. I had questions. Questions like:

How does a man act? Feel?

What is the definition of a man anyway?

What is it about porn that makes us put a gender to what we do?

How has watching porn changed how we pleasure ourselves as women? Has it changed how women masturbate?

I wanted to know more and then travel and life happened in the way that travel and life seem to happen, and this was placed on the backburner (so to speak). But now I’m happy to say that now we have collectively put together this short survey on female-identified persons and their particular habits around online porn, and what we need next is YOUR input.

Please take a moment to contribute your experiences. Pass it on to friends and loved ones who would feel comfortable answering personal questions for two seemingly random strangers. It’s only 10 questions and it could save a life (okay, that last part was a lie), or at least make you think about your sex life.

This is only the beginning and it’s laying the groundwork for our study to be even bigger than we can imagine right now. That being said, I look forward to reading what you’ve got to say!

xxx and OH!

Direct link to survey - http://www.kwiksurveys.com/online-survey.php?surveyID=ONJDMM_668f6e12

Photos: me and abby. 2004 and 2011. Burning Man.

It’s another Hot Sox Podcast, and my guest is the very special, dear friend type-o-guest that lets me crash at her place and take care of her adorable new poodle, Scribbles. It’s Abby, Stabby, Crabby, Fabby (I just made that one up), Ehmann and I love her dearly. She has been a huge influence in my life for years. You’ve heard her on the podcast before (in March, Podcast 11), and now get ready to hear her again. This week, we’re talking about how she hears a lot of “Wow! You look just like your picture!” as she, once again, dips her toes, tats (short for tattoos, not ta-tas) and whole bad-ass self into the world of online dating.

Commiserate with sexy wordsmith Editrix Abby as she and I discuss the pitfalls and perils of her online dating escapades, including her current one month romp on SeniorPeopleMeet. Abby dishes on online dating etiquette, the men, and the crazy exchanges she’s had (without even meeting the men). Plus, why spelling matters and naked penis pictures. And, after listening to Abby, you can even ask her out, if you think you’ve got what she wants.

Here’s just one pearl of Abby-licious wisdom: “If you’re fishing, what are you putting on your line. What’s the bait you’re trying to hook people with?” Think about it and listen to this week’s Hot Sox Podcast. It’s all about online dating. Hook, line and sink-her.

Listen on my site or via itunes

Music. Intro: Girl I Love You, Massive Attack.  Outro: Love is a Losing Game, Amy Winehouse

pictures from my so last week: On the beach, Long Island. The Will Clark Show, NYC.

• “Can I get an amen?! Contraceptives no more cause sex than umbrellas cause rain.” (NYT)
• Silver foxes do more harm than cougars. (GoodMenProject)
• Raising Cain on sexual harassment. (HuffPo)
• Sexual assistants for disabled clients. What do you know? (news24)
• Why Ashley Madison can suck my big, juicy eggs. (Jezebel)
• Kim Kardashian’s divorce is good for America and women. (TheDailyBeast)
• Is there really any sanctity in marriage? (Sexis)
• Dan Savage gets glitterbombed for being transphobic. (Queerty)
• Mommy is a love artist. Meet Madison Young. (Salon)
• ABC news anchor outs himself during the news. (ABC)