I LOVE Paul Joannides, Research Psychoanalyst and Author. I love him not just because he’s as cool as his book, The Guide to Getting It On (he may be even more amazing, which, if you’ve read his book is hard to believe, I know), and not just because he’s one of the most honest, down-to-earth, well-researched, educated and humorous sexperts EVER – but on a personal level, because he’s made me smile (yet again) this morning.

I just found his youtube channel and I’m hooked not just on Paul, but now I also *heart* his family’s beagle, Woody.  Below he takes his time – and his Woody – and shows you the right, and not-so-right, ways to put a condom on quickly and effectively. What I learned is if you’ve got a foreskin, try pulling it back before you put the condom on, then put it back into place after you’re all set. After watching this I watched why condoms break and five things to learn about lovemaking from porn. I’m currently watching condoms and lube. I can’t stop….

It happened out of nowhere. I put on a helmet and grabbed two one-eyed sock monkeys and started talking about the 3 e’s (or thrEE’s). Eye contact, Emoting and Enthusiasm. Silliness ensued.

This weeks So Last Week: Sex News You May Have Missed explores life without gender, without foreskins and without Harry Popper condoms (hey, it could happen).

• Life without gender. No its, ands or buts. (Newsweek)
• So today: Eastern Cape, South Africa: Boys hoping to gain manhood lose more in horrific circumcision rituals. (LATimes)
• More housework = more sex: the relationship between household labor and sexual frequency gets its own study. (NYTimes)
• W4M4M. A heterosexual Christian wife writes gay male erotica because M/M romance novels are a turn on for straight women. (Out)
• Couples opting for separate bedrooms may stay married longer. (DailyMail)
• Warner Brothers sues over Harry Popper condoms. (Gawker)
• New to Burning Man? Here’s virgin’s guide to having sex on the playa. (CarnalNation)
• The Oral Sex Light. How dark is this? (TheFrisky)
• Did you hear the one where Barney asks Fred why he needs a third head? Sexual innuendos from cartoons gone by. (Asylum)
• Heidi Montag doesn’t want her sex life inflated, just her breasts. (CBS)

Today brings not one, but two podcasts, along with four of the same, albeit different colored, photos of my mouth – all to, and for, your attention. (Is that too much math for this blog?)

The first is Sexy Stuff, hosted by Dr. Lori Buckley. On Friday I sat down with her and her co-host Mark Phelan to talk about everything from the AVN Novelty Expo to the G-spot and sex educator celibacy. It’s a fun show, although we do forget to have the Big O for world peace at the end. Bummer.

Next, Gram Ponante is my guest on the latest Hot Sox podcast. For those of you who don’t know Mr. Ponante, he is America’s beloved porn journalist - and you can click on the NSFW link under his name to find out much more. He has loads of insight into the adult industry and he’s weird AND funny (BONUS!). Only thing about this podcast is the sound quality. We were just talking on skype when I realized I needed to figure out how to interview and record people via the medium, and voila, a podcast was born. Gram’s sitting a little farther away from his mic than I’d like, so sound quality is low, or rather, isn’t quality. Just crank up your speakers to hear the pearls of wisdom that drip forth from Mr. Ponante’s perfect lips.

Enjoy!

• iPhone users get 2x more booty than their Droid Counterparts. (Gizmodo)
• Engineering for sexual orientation. In the womb, doctors try to find a way to limit homosexuality. (LATimes)
• Pee Wee Herman says it wasn’t his pee-wee, or his hand, masturbating in that movie theater back in 1991. What’s worse is that he got more press for choking his chicken than Jeffrey Dahmer did for mass murder. (NYDailyNews)
• High School students: The link between academic achievement and sex has the greatest affect on those who do it casually. (Businessweek)
• Aurora Snow: Confessions of a porn MILF…at 28! (DailyBeast)
• The Marriage Ideal. Gay or Straight, Monogamy or Polygamy – what we think of as traditional marriage is not. (NYTimes)
• Vulvar fashion for the vulva conscience, Cosmo declares hair is back! (Jezebel)
• The skinny on sex. More women would rather lose pounds than pound. (Salon)
• Woman sleeps with 5,000 men, media goes batty. (CarnalNation)
• Montana Fishburne. More of the story. (YourTango)

(Christina Aguilera on MTV)

This past weekend in Ft. Lauderdale I met a husband and wife team who were selling vajazzle supplies for vaginas (vulvas actually, but vagina just rolls off the tongue easier), and ice luges that looked like boobs and penis. They were really stoked about their products and even offered me a free sample of vajazzle, but I forgot to pick up the rainbow rhinestone packet before they bolted. It was the only one I could see myself using, although they had other pre-made (and predictable) ideas, like hearts and rainbows and words like “sexy”.

For those who don’t know what vajazzling is, here’s a more detailed primer, but basically it’s bedazzling a woman’s vulva. She starts by taking off all/most/some pubic hair and then places shiny rhinestones, or crystals, in a pattern on the mound of her vajayjay. Jennifer Love Hewitt brought it to the nation’s attention when, in January, she discussed it on Lopez Tonight while promoting her book, The Day I Shot Cupid: Hello, My Name Is Jennifer Love Hewitt and I’m a Love-aholic.

While vajazzle became all the rage – or did it really ever become “the” rage?, one salon decided there had to be a less blingy option. So now there’s vatooing, getting a temporary tattoo for her twat, something she’ll be able to do herself pretty soon - Sacred Kitty has a DIY version they’re about to release. If you can’t wait, and must…have…, or you don’t want to DIY, you can get your crotch waxed and airbrushed at Completely Bare

I visited Completely Bare when I lived in NYC (full disclosure: as a producer of Naked New York I went there for free laser hair armpit removal treatment. After 6 treatments and no follow-up, the hair grew back) and they have always been cutting-edge and have been vajazzling for as long as it’s been raging, but now there’s vatooing.

“Vatooing, is also known as “twatooing,” “vatuing,” or simply “vagina tattooing.”

It’s not painful. The procedure involves hair removal (the most painful part) and an airbrush design of her choice placed on the mons pubis of her pussy. She can opt for classy innuendos like “69,” or more intricate designs that she creates and chooses the colors. Me? I’d either get something that glows and looks trippy (I am off to Burning Man) or something like Fuck Me – direct and to the point. Vatooing (aka crotchal airbrushing) lasts up to one week as long as you forego intense friction or cameltoe.

I’m all into decorating your bits for your self-love or someone eles’s love of your self (full disclosure: I’ve yet to do it), but what about guys? Can they pejazzle or petoo, too? Cause I’d have him wax his mound and make him look like Gonzo the Great (depending on how he hangs), wouldn’t you?

Naked Barbie calendars. Pole Dancing for Six Year Olds. A video game that kills catcallers. So Last Week: Sex News You May Have Missed celebrates the madness, mayhem and more.

via Evil Avatar

• Buh-bye Proposition 8: Ban on gay marriage in California, you’re out. (BostonGlobe)
• Hey Baby. What others think about a video game that kills catcalls and their catcallers.  (CarnalNation)
• Alcohol and adultery, do Americans need to be F*@ked up more often? (Jezebel).
• One father’s dispatch from a camp for kids who sparkle. Read it and seep. (Slate)
• Pole Dancing for six year olds, is that so wrong? (Salon)
• 12 months worth of naked Barbie. (Asylum)
• Oxytocin. What you know you don’t know, or don’t know you know, or what others want you to think you know. No? (io9)
• Middle Men. The rise of internet porn hits the big screen. (USAToday)
• Sex work in China, rally on. (WSJ)
• Getting buzzed on vacation: 5 toys to tinker with. (TheStir)

Yesterday I flew across the country, to Ft. Lauderdale, Florida (I know, the place everyone wants to be on a hot, summer day), to attend an expo featuring my sex toy friends and adult internet peeps.

Here are some things I learned on my Virgin America flight from sea to shining sea:

1. I met a man named Yoni. Yoni, which in Sanskrit for vulva, is also apparently another way to say Jonathan, in Hebrew. I don’t mean to stereotype, but this Yoni didn’t look like a jewish Jonathan. Whatever he is, he is Yoni, and he wears his Virgin America name tag with pride – as he should. He reminds me that gender is fluid, and regardless of why he’s called Yoni, I giggle like a 12-year old boy.

2. Khloe Kardashian and her sister Kourtney are so super close that Khloe lets Kourtney wax her pussy lips. Yes, I watched Kourtney and Khloe Take Miami. It was my first time, but I have to admit I watched three or four episodes. And I learned some thing too. Khloe says butter is good for burns, but I still wonder, is it?

What I liked most about the pussy wax episode was how Lamar, Khloe’s husband, reacted to Khloe’s vaginal lips, after they got burned as a result of hot, hot wax. Burned lips are no laughing matter, but the show made me smile.

3. Current TV has a fun show called InfoMania and I’m hooked on Sergio. I watched an episode, probably cause it was the Sex Episode, and definitely not because it was an old episode, filmed in 2009. Wondering, is the show still on the air anymore? (Answer, yes) And how tall is Sergio?

4. When TV is in my face, I watch it a lot more than when it’s not. Do you think Yoni does too?

Buttman is free.

That might mean nothing to you, or it might sound totally inappropriate, or appropriate, depending on if you’re the tits or ass type. And if knowing that Buttman is free doesn’t exactly change your life, don’t feel bad, it hasn’t changed my life either, but it has got me thinking.

Here’s my disclaimer: I don’t consider what I do to be wrong, and what I do deals with sex and sometimes even porn. And if you think what I do is wrong, that’s your choice. I respect that you don’t have to like my work or me; I respect that all people have choices, and I will never force you to see things my way, or support my causes. But if you’re one of the kinds of people that believe you know what’s best for everyone, then you and I won’t get along at all.

So who is Buttman, besides a guy who really loves ass? John Stagliano is Buttman and he was the one the feds came after. He’s a producer, director, entrepreneur and actor. He owns Evil Angel, a company that makes porn. From regularly eccentric (what’s regular, really?) to especially fetishy, Buttman makes the types of movies that turn a bunch of people on, and off.

Just this month he was on the verge of going to prison for up to 32 years for producing and distributing some of his movies. The feds called them obscene. He went to federal court in DC, in a case called The United States vs. John Stagliano. So what is obscene? By definition it is (since 1973’s Miller v. California) “whether the average person, applying contemporary community standards, would find that work, taken as a whole, appeals to the prurient interest.” Of course questions abound. What community)? Whose standards? What defines prurient interest (since 1984 prurient interest has been defined as a shameful and morbid interest in nudity, sex, or excretion.”)

32 years is a long time to be locked up behind bars for a rather hazy definition. He didn’t kill anyone, rape , beat, stone, bludgeon or commit hate crimes or other heinous acts against mankind. He didn’t cheat or steal, or run over helpless kittens. His alleged crime wasn’t even purely his own, but someone had to pay. And since it was his company, his Evil Angel productions that produced and distributed the very movies that “they” found disgusting, he would be the one to take the rap.

Milk Nympho and Storm Squirters 2: Target Practice. Interested? Some federal agents were.  Back in April of 2008. They ordered them online, from Washington DC. He shipped them from California and then was charged on multiple counts of obscenity.

Stagliano isn’t the first pornographer in recent years to get smacked on the ass by the hands of the law, a.k.a the men and women who think they know what’s right for everyone else, even people they don’t know at all. Whether or not you agree with the content of Max Hardcore, or Lizzy Borden & Rob Black art doesn’t have to be high brow, it doesn’t even have to be good, to be art. I’ve seen toilet paper rolls stapled to walls in famous modern museums being called art, so the definition of art may be just as loose as that of obscene. Regardless of whether or not you regard it as art, it’s out there.

When it comes to our first amendment rights, what bothers me still is that Stagliano didn’t get off because he was found innocent. He got off because the prosecution wasn’t strong, or hard – as the case may be, enough. There’s no new law in place, no precedent set. Instead, this is just another respite, a place where we, those of us who devote our lives to teaching and making the kinds of things that straddle the line of this word “obscene,” can continue to work on what we do. While we all work on changing how we view sex on film.

And it’s not just porn being censored. For a horrific look into the movie ratings industry, please watch the 2006 documentary, This Film is Not Yet Rated. You’ll be shocked at what goes on before your very eyes (get to see it.) Or at least I hope you will.

And thanks to Reason too, for their excellent, in-depth coverage of the Stagliano case.

This week’s so last week, sex news you may have missed is number happy. From the AskMen 2010 survey to the Daily Beast’s “Sex: Who’s Having the Most?,” discover the numbers of people doing what they do and how they do it. Oh, so vague, yes, but that’s because there’s more below.

• The Great Male Survey. 2010 Edition. What dudes think about sex, dating, cheating and facebook. (AskMen)
• Erika Lust. Pornographer. Feminist. Author. Intelligent Conversationalist.  (Alternet)
• “America will always be intrigued with sexy little pieces of jailbait — but, as it turns out, we’re not too comfortable with the notion of them getting off on their own devices.” The Taylor Momsen moment. (Salon)
• 15 ways to tell if you’re getting lucky more, or less, than the rest of us. (DailyBeast)
• Is polygamy harmful to society? A Canadian scholar studies those who marry more than one woman. (VancouverSun)
• Astrology gone wild: What happens when a relationship ends over the time of day you were born. (YourTango)
• Team Edward! Team Jacob! Vampire Sex. Reality vs. Fantasy. My advice and then some. (TheStir)
• When a kitten masturbates, who does God kill? (CarnalNation)
• Men with long ring fingers are more likely to get prostate cancer. (Independent)
• Cytherea. Patience is a squirtue (NSFW). (GramPonante)