Is semen retention harmful? Or is it better to spout it out?

While the answer doesn’t matter (literally) it’s definitely a question you’ve at least thought about once (or are at least thinking about now). According to Dr. Thomas Stuttaford, half of the writing team for the Sex Advice column in the Times, it’s age that plays a leading role in how long he can go without blow, and the older he is, the less sensitive his little head gets, which results in longer! lasting! loving! But whether or not he holds it in when he’s ready to explode, that doesn’t really matter. Suzi Godson - his co-writer - may agree, but her findings - from two different orgasm studies - make me a believer in the more often he washes a load, the longer things are likely to stay clean. And while some of her answer might not fair well with fierce, card-carrying members of the Church of Female Liquification (it doesn’t even mention female ejaculate, although it only talks about female orgasm in terms of old, subjective texts), it will make you smarter at parties. For example:

Female orgasm, on the other hand, is considered to be an inward explosion. When a woman reaches orgasm, the sexual secretions she ejaculates are retained within her body. However, her partner can then absorb the jing that she creates to boost his reserves. It smacks a little of misogyny, particularly when woman is referred to as the “enemy” in Taoist texts, before graduating to being called “other”, “crucible” or “stove”, but I don’t mean to be cynical.

What I love most about their answers, is I want to read more. Since the whole sex columnist thing is being talked about (and chopped away at) these days (Sex Doesn’t Sell (SF Gate) and Sex Writing Goes Limp (Salon), it’s quite refreshing to find a good sex advice column that isn’t getting axed, and that I have never read before. *even if it’s been around for like ever.

Fans of both the buildup and big bang should read what they’ve got to say. Really.

A new study discovers not only that the Internet is for porn, but tells us when, where and what kinds of people are viewing what variety of naughty bits.  For example, people in Ohio like porn better than people in Wasilla (in Wasilla they’re too busy watching out for Russia to care about watching naked peen). In fact Alaska and Hawaii, the two newest states to these United ones, are the states with the lowest rate of porn viewsage (a word I just made up I might add). Midwesterners on the other hand, watch more porn than anyone else.

As for when people surf sexy sites, Friday is peak for sexy-time viewing, followed in popularity by Saturday. Sunday is considered the “holy” day of rest by many of those religious types, and it is the slowest day of the week for hot-n-heavy hand-on-key action. On Thanksgiving you can be sure to get on an adult site rather easily, as it’s the slowest adult-trafficked day of the year, which I like to think is due to the tryptophan in turkey and too much time with the family (or the football).

We are in political times, and outside of not always agreeing on who to vote for, liberals and conservatives can’t seem to agree on what sites to look at either. Red-states are more likely to check out sites that involve the three W’s: wife-swapping, webcams and watching (other people have sex), while blue-staters are more into looking through directories for adult entertainers and escorts.

There’s not much more to this story, outside of how social networking sites affect viewing porn, but you can read more about it at Xbiz and Mediapost.

Anyone who’s big into taking-back-the-foreskin - but can’t - should check out Viafin-Atlas. Dubbing themselves the “world leaders in the manufacture of artificial foreskin for circumcised men,” these guys are serious about their hoods. They’ve invented this thing called the SenSlip. It “helps restore the sensitivity to the penis of circumcised men. It protects the head of the penis against dryness and chafing caused by constant exposure to clothing. It looks, feels and works similar to a real foreskin.” It looks like a masturbation sleeve, only it’s not as thick, and it’s supposed to stay on your penis all day. I’m not even sure what you do when you get an erection. Oh wait, now I am..and no, it’s not designed for sexy time:

Q: Can the SenSlip Undergarment be used during sexual activity?
A: No.  The SenSlip Undergarment must never be inserted into any part of the body.  During  R & D some men became aroused when they fitted the SenSlip and subsequently admitted to masturbating when the garment was in place.  It should be noted that the SenSlip was not designed for this and damage to the SenSlip undergarment may occur.

So, it’s not supposed to be used as a sex toy, but it is. It’s designed to make him more sensitive - during sexy times and other times (and yes, it will expand during an erection), however, it’s not supposed to be worn during sex! What?! Let me just point out then that this sensitivity they speak of - while it may be a good thing, it can also lead to a very, very bad quick thing too.

When I see a product like this, one that goes out of its way to reclaim a lost bit of skin, I don’t understand why we chop it off in the first place. Don’t give me the cleanliness excuse, because if a guy is clean he knows how to keep his dick clean, and I hear you when you shout RELIGION, but honestly, how does not having a foreskin make you more kosher than having one? I mean if a Jew eats bacon are they still a Jew? Why do we keep depriving men of part of their body that they’re born with. If foreskins were so bad, don’t you think that human evolution would have found a way to rid itself of them by now?

Fitting Instructions for the SenSlip

Boing Boing reports on the SenSlip

A friend of mine was scrolling down DListed - a website that I can admit is top on my guilty pleasure list of websites - when she came across an ad screaming for her to find out the most unusual places people have sex. When she clicked on the link, voila, it was Jayme Waxman - hosting.

So who is this Jayme Waxman, and what did she do with my personality? If you want to see the more ahem, serious, side of broadcasting, watch Jayme at Sex Health Guru.

Or go straight to the video here.

And, if you’re looking to check out other Jewish Hotties check out Ugo’s Top 50 Jewish Hotties (totally SFW) too.

I can’t even afford the sale items at Diesel these days, but I can still enjoy the entertainment. For their worldwide Dirty 30 Party the fine folks behind the creative push for Diesel showed that they have some balls, and know how to use them. The ad is genius. I’m on some safe-for-work porn kick I suppose.

Thanks Felice.

This is genius! It’s PG Porn - for people who love everything about porn, except the sex (their line, not mine).

Read more about it at Xbiz.

image via Natalie Dee

How do you define safe sex?

More importantly, can you define it?

If you really think about it, it’s not so easy, is it? The Yale Daily News’ Emma Allen digs deep into the Ivy to discover how Yalies define it, and how they measure up to the rest of us.  In “Is Safe Sex so 90’s, we find out a lot about who’s having sex at Yale, and what they’re using, or not using.  And then there’s the not-so-shocking statistic that sometimes smart people don’t get tested for STI’s. And if smart people aren’t getting tested, should we fear for the population of future dumb people? It’s a lengthy pontification, but one worth the read.

I started working at Babeland before it was called Babeland. Back then it was Toys in Babeland, a brilliant name, but one not so easy on the tongues of the masses. In 2001, when I joined the staff, we were one store in Seattle and one in New York. I felt like I was part of a movement about grrl power and queer power and it was exciting. I became more comfortable in my own skin and less quick on the trigger when it came to judging others, thanks to Babeland.

But the truth was, I loved helping people, and I loved watching them explore ways to improve their own sexual health and pleasure. Maybe I liked it too much at times, just ask my co-workers, but it gave me lots of fuzzy feelings to be a part of a sex positive movement. There seriously aren’t many retail jobs where you can get as much satisfaction, both as a customer and an employee. Our staff wanted to empower the world, one vibrator, one butt plug, one lube at a time. Word of Babeland’s stellar reputation made us a destination location. Zagat gave us customer service awards. People traveled from afar (from such places as the Upper West Side and abroad) to get a dose of what we offered. For the first time in my life, it felt like I was in the in crowd. And yeah, I liked it.

So, what was the experience? Things like re-shelving and alphabetizing, straightening and cleaning were all part of the package. But when someone walked into the store, whether she walked in to reclaim her body, or he waltzed in excited to explore his, there was always a level of trust between salesperson and customer. Different than any level of trust usually find in a retail environment. And we weren’t just sales people, we were sex educators. Each of us is, and was, here to do more than sell you a good time.

I really loved working at Babeland. I know because it was the longest time I spent at one job. If it weren’t for some of those closest to me, I don’t know when, or if, I ever would have left. After four years at Babeland, it was my NY family, and it was sad, at first, to leave. But things change. I’ve changed. Babeland has changed. But I wouldn’t be who I was without them.

What I loved most about Babeland is, and was, its heart. Claire and Rachel care about good sex, about having it, and about other people being able to have it too, so they saw a niche, and aimed to fill it. And thanks to other places, like Eve’s Garden and Good Vibes, they had support, and smarts, and made a way for themselves and their brand. When I started, Claire, one of the co-founders, was always working downstairs, in the dark hole of a basement, striving to make this company what it is today.

I appreciate who they are, and how far they’ve come. Tomorrow Babeland is celebrating their 15th anniversary (or is it more of a birthday?) in New York. It’s amazing how much has happened, not just in the world, but in the sex-toy business in  those last 15 years. Designer sex toys made by small companies are increasing the popularity of sexual pleasure, while also improving the standards of products, and inspired people opening sex-positive shops, both online and on land, are helping the sex-happy movement move into smaller cities and towns, and around the world. Places like Nomia in Portland, ME and Sugar in Baltimore, MD are just two examples of small terrestrial shops doing their thing, and doing it right.

In dog years, Babeland would be way old. In retail, well I think it still is. And that’s a great thing. I’m happy to see their mission spreading all over the world. Happy Birthday Babeland. You’ll always be family to me.

Robin Byrd. Photo by Richard Avedon for New York Magazine (Feb. 1999).

The headline sounds so People Magazine, and I love it. Truth is, Robin Byrd, the late-night, scantily clad, NYC cable goddess (her show is The Robin Byrd Show and it’s been on Manhattan Cable for a very long time), didn’t really change my life, at least I can’t be sure she did, not yet. What I do know is that Robin Byrd inspired me to live more fearlessly, to be more self-assured and to feel more divine.

F*ck knows, she is.

It all started at Blood Manor last night. I have to confess I didn’t want to go to Blood Manor.  I was so afraid of being spooked that I even insisted on stopping at a Rite Aid  before we got to the haunted house. I had decided, in my attempt to be fearless, that grabbing a set of earplugs would make me a superwoman. (We stopped at Rite Aid, noticed there were a lot of freaky people in this particular drugstore, decided that Blood Manor couldn’t be scarier than the freaks in the Rite Aid, and I decided I didn’t want to spend over $4 to buy 12 pairs of earplugs, 11 of which I would probably never use - especially since we already have an extra-large, jumbo pack at home, so we left. FYI: single ear plug packs did, or do, not exist).

We got upstairs, to the bar, which doubled as the entrance to the manor. I looked to my left, and the first person I saw was Robin Byrd. I’ve know Robin for a long time, but I’ve never really  gotten to know her. She did Bob Berkowitz’s show once, or twice, on eyada, but that was a long time ago. Since then I’ve run into her a few times in Vegas. The last time I saw her we were on the same plane back home from AEE (Adult Entertainment Expo). I remember seeing her that night on the plane, because I was really sad over the death of my grandfather so I remember a lot from that night, and I made a mental note that of all the people who could be traveling back to NY with me, it was Robin. I’m big into signs, and I think that night I took it as one, but then when I got back home things got crazy, and I forgot to remember that I saw the sign (you’re supposed to sing those last four words). But now, after last night, as corny as this is going to sound, I felt like there was a reason she was on my plane. Maybe a reason that I wasn’t ready to find out.

Last night I think I found it out.

I don’t know Robin well. I’ve watched her show whenever I happened to flip by the right channel at the right time. The insanely long commercial breaks bored me a bit, and so I would watch a segment and then try to come back for the finale. I always loved the final. When they sang that Bang Your Box song, and everyone looked like they were happy to be sexy. It was a “sexy time” version of Dancing with the Stars. I remember cock rings and boob sucking, and the Robin Byrd neon sign, but I never thought much about Robin herself. I mean, I thought she was fun and funny and smart, but I didn’t know she was all that and more. She is so totally in her power and in her skin - which might sound a bit obvious, even if you’ve only seen her parodied on Saturday Night Live.

Back at the manor, we all got online together. It was four of us (Robin and I both brought a guest). Robin knew I was scared, but she wasn’t. She was so tough. This ugly, scary monster guy on stilts walked past us and my heart began racing.  He was just walking around the bar, that’s all. In costume, but walking. Staring at people. Personally, I think staring is ultra scary if it’s done in a creepy way. And he was doing it in a creepy way.

I made Robin feel my heart racing as we waited online. She went right for my breast. Then she told me a story. It was a story about how she and a friend once went swimming with a shark. It wasn’t one of those contained “swim with the dolphins” experiences, this was more like holy-shit-there’s-a-shark-in-the-water.  She said her friend was really afraid of the shark, and that the shark sensed her friend’s fear, and so she screamed to her friend that the only way the shark would leave her alone is if she stopped being afraid. Once she stopped being afraid, the shark swam away. And then, like FDR told the USA before I was ever born, she told me that the scariest thing I could be afraid of was fear.

Fear was the most frightening thing about fear.

It made perfect sense, even though, like I said, I’ve probably heard it before, and before that, but until Robin said it, it had never sunk into my consciousness that way. And I wasn’t afraid anymore. I got it. I looked into the eyes of at least 16 monsters as we waltzed through the manor and I smiled, laughed or tried to engage them in conversation. It worked. I left there proud. I walked back through the line of visitors who hadn’t yet walked through blood manor and I reminded them that being afraid was the scariest thing about the haunted house. I told them not to be afraid. I even heard two girls talking after I left, saying that they believed me..that they were going to go in there and not be afraid.

And so I took one step closer to being true to myself. For one night I got rid of the mask of fear. I hope I can keep it off for a long time to come. I have to say, it’s thanks to Robin Byrd - one of the most spiritual, grounded, goddess-like people I’ve ever met. Maybe I’m not the only one to think this…I haven’t looked at any Robin Byrd fan clubs, but I’m definitely sold on this woman. She helped change my mind. And maybe, just maybe, my life.

Two pieces I found online that all of us can learn from:

1. Cory Silverberg’s article on the reality of sex in adult movies is only one of the myriad of reasons why I love him dearly. If you have ever watched an adult movie, or know what porn is, you should read this piece. Here’s one of my favorite points:

Mainstream pornography is no more like most people’s sex lives than big budget Hollywood films are like most people’s daily lives. Notice how in Hollywood movies people rarely go to the bathroom, and never look anything other than stunningly beautiful…

As someone who has seen their share of sexy movies live! and in person! I do think we place an unnatural amount of guilt about our countries lack-of-quality-sex-education-in-the-classroom on these exuberant exhibitionists. Think about it. It isn’t fair, or logical, to translate performer sex into real-life people sex. It’s like saying that after watching Batman you know that Christian Bale can fly, and you’re sure that he’d be a great teacher to instruct you in the art of flight. Or that we can all learn about survival in the great outdoors from Harrison Ford, since he is Indiana Jones.  We need to keep getting the message out that porn stars are performers and porn is for entertainment. Say it with me, PORN STARS ARE PERFORMERS AND PORN IS FOR ENTERTAINMENT.

That being said,  I do tell my talent that they have to look at themselves with an educator’s eye, at least if they care about the sex they are having on film. I talk directly to them as if what they do care, as if the sex they have could make a difference in someone’s personal sexy life. That doesn’t mean most of them hear me, or care, (they don’t), but at least one or two performers on a shoot do, and that makes all the difference to me. Some of these porn stars do want to be sex educators, and they assume that the role comes along with the job. But most of them just want their daily rate, and they’re on there way. Unfortunately porn does impact impressionable minds. Especially since most people learn more about sex from porn than from anywhere else (like parents, schools, or books). If we continue to allow people to get most of their schooling from film-fucking, more so than in health or science class, then indirectly we are all to blame for the porn-is-reality-sex mentality that we have in this country.

Getting…off…soapbox…now…

2. If you’re looking for an inspiring story on coming-before-you’ve-gone-anywhere-near-inside-her-pussy, without it actually translating to coming to the end of sexy time, Greta Christina wrote a beautiful piece called “What I Learned from Lesbian Sex” (Alternet).