I am racked with guilt today. Yes, it’s probably because I’m Jewish. And while this may be giving Jews a bad name, it’s also something I believe is inherently built into my Jew genes. This guilt thing. It may be more accurately a Jewish-Long Island thing, but whatever you call it, I have it, right now.

Why?

I started to go for an orgasm yesterday, but I finished after midnight. J. and I were well on our way to giving me one, but when I looked at the clock it said 11:54PM and I got this bad feeling in my tummy. The kind of feeling that says you’re going to blow this, you’re not going to have an orgasm before the clock strikes 12. I tried hard to make it happen by 11:59, really I did. I even told myself my clock was fast, and I shouldn’t worry (unfortunately I double checked the accuracy of my bedroom clock, verse my kitchen clock and my computer clock, and found although they were all a little different, but my bedroom clock was no more than two minutes fast), but even with telling myself that, I knew that time was too precious to waste.

I wanted him inside of me when I came. I like it that way. Not fully in. Not deep thrusting, not even deep, shallow thrusting, which is sort of an oxymoron like jumbo shrimp. It’s the kind of thrusting where he’s in, but not moving a lot, which also happens to be the best way for him to effectively use a vibrating cock ring like the Screaming O when trying to give me an orgasm (he wasn’t wearing a cock ring last night though). No, last night I just wanted the tip of his head to gently nudge the first bits of my pussy. By the time we found the right position, and by the time I got my vibrator revved up for action (my clit is still recovering from all the fingering it took last weekend), it was 11:59. When you have to have an orgasm in under a minute, it’s a really hard thing to do. Besides, I knew that my thinking about it would make it even more difficult. I tried with all my might to shut my brain off and believe. Believe it would happen when I needed it to. Like right now.

It would happen. It had to. Right?

Of course. I mean all the elements were in place, but unlike that movie The Girl, the Gold Watch and Everything (whatever happened to Pam Dawber?) I couldn’t freeze time. And last night, time wasn’t on my side.

I had my orgasm. It was 12:01. I’d like to say it counts as yesterday, since I didn’t go to sleep before then. But I don’t know. I’m mixed. I had an other orgasm after that, just to make sure I had one that counted for today as well (just in case), but I still feel sad about missing the mark.

The good news is there’s no money riding on my orgasm-a-day and it was still technically before I went to sleep, so it may count. I’m going to keep coming anyway, because I like the idea of celebrating Masturbation May this way. I’m having orgasms every 24 hours or so. I’m getting off. I’m doing it for me. And for Jonny too (sometimes) cause he likes when I come.

But I did miss the mark this time. By one whole minute. Or two if you count the 12:00 minute. But somewhere else, like in California, it was still May 6th. And so by west coast standards (heck, even mountain and central time) I came in time.

Regardless I still feel guilt because I didn’t technically have an orgasm, in my time zone, yesterday. Less guilt than before I started writing this, but guilt nonetheless.

But I take a licking and keep on ticking. And so I carry on…and I will come…again.

Contemplative Pussy.

I have a sentence in this week’s Time Out New York “The Horny Issue.” I’m in the article, How About a Quickie? The TONY staff challenged a bunch of us to come up with some titillating, sexy talk in ten words or less.

I just thought of another hot quickie phrase.

“Fuck me now.”

That’s a good one. Straight to the point. Doesn’t leave you questioning how far you may go with this person. Nope. Not at all. This person wants to get fucked. Fucked now. And right now this person is me. And even though it’s what I want, I’m not going to get it. Cause I have to go.

No masturbation yet today. Me and my man didn’t have sex last night because I came home at 1AM (What can I say I like good times, and when I’m having good times, I hate to leave them). I had so much fun with Lux, Rachel, Twanna and the Man and Wife crew. Good thing I masturbated early yesterday, or the whole masturbation-every-day-for-a-month would be over. Today I’m saving myself for tonight. For the “fuck me now” that will happen after I teach a BJ class, which usually makes me pretty horny. After the class I’m going to come home and give a BJ, which will lead to other things like the “FMN”…and then, then I’ll have my orgasm.

You can read my sentence in TONY, the one that got published, here.

Today, as in a few minutes ago, I lay in bed masturbating in the usual way (on my back, eroscillator on my clit), having a discussion with my boyfriend because he wants me to stop. “No more masturbating every day.” he says. He tells me we can have sex tonight, later, when we both get home. He says he’ll make me come. But tonight is much later than now, and I need to know that I can have my first orgasm of the day now. Now is not later. Later is me going out to talk sex with Man and Wife, or at least Wife, and then who knows if I’ll be up for an orgasm. Or if he’ll be.

He really wants me to wait but I can’t because like Days 1-5, I have to make sure I have an orgasm by myself, for myself TODAY. As in before it’s tomorrow. Because tomorrow is not today. Not yet.

He doth protest too much. He tries to distract me with silly dances and conversations about the weather. It’s hard to come. I close my eyes, pretend he isn’t getting ready to go out in our room, right now, getting dressed as I undress. And this kind of sucks cause I like seeing him there when I come. But alas, I do what I have to do to stay on track and to get the job done.

And I do it. I overcome the obstacles and let the vibrations oscillations take me away. That’s two more days (May 5 & 6) and two more orgasms.

Victory is mine. Victory and an orgasm.

I am serious about getting off every day this month. Yesterday I decided that I, myself, had to be responsible for at least one of my own orgasms every day. That doesn’t mean I can’t get help, but in the end it has to be me, giving me, an orgasm. That’s my definition of masturbation. Not mutual masturbation, that’s a little different, well if you’re mutually-exclusive (with yourself) during mutual masturbation, then it counts as my definition of masturbation, but if you touch the other person’s genitals and “masturbate” them, that’s a different kind of masturbation. Sometimes it’s called a handjob.

Day Two: Got off in between shopping and dinner. In a bathtub with my man. In a position where my back was in the air, and my feet were pressed down, knees up, like I was doing butt exercises at the gym. A sort of half bridge. Found out - after my orgasm - that I actually was doing butt exercises, and now, on Day 4, still can’t move my upper thigh/glut region without pain. Butt (bad pun alert) I’m glad I did it, because it was a good position for him to help me out in . Now I want to make a t-shirt that reads “Exercise your ass through masturbation. Ask me how?” It reminds me of the “I lost 45 pounds. Ask me how?” pins. How many people actually ask?

Day Three: Was relieved to know I’d be going home to my vibrator. I prefer it to my hand, most of the time, and my clit needed a professional massage. Biggest challenge on day three was when to do it - I didn’t get home til late in the evening. Turned out, challenge was not that big of a deal, and I had plenty of time, and more help from my man (what a guy!)

Day Four: I “masturbate” my man- using various body parts, and he enjoys himself. Then I masturbate, with vibe, while he’s lying next to me. It’s quite nice, and romantic - something I’m glad we’re both comfortable doing. I imagine there are lots of people not comfortable doing that, but it’s really nice. I wish everyone in a happy relationship would try it.

me. simulating masturbation. but not the way I do it. I like to do it on my back.

Sometimes as a sex educator, you have to put yourself on the frontline of sexual exploration and take it to a personal level. This month I will be personal. Too personal. If you don’t like it, you can, and should, leave now.

For those who choose to stay, and linger, I’m keeping a Masturbation Diary because I’m masturbating… every! single! day! this month!

May 1 - barely got masturbation in today, but alas, I…must…masturbate. So after watching a grainy-edition (due to bad reception) of Lost (was it me or was it a filler episode last night? I am so over the relationship angle that shows take to fill up space. Give me action man. Action), I got myself some action. I’m used to the three-minute Eroscillator orgasm, but without my handy plug-in helper, I was forced happy to use my own two hands. It got even better when Jonny joined in. Tried not to focus on the news that was on the TV (always depressing of course, even when it’s happy - like 7 year old boy on the verge of death gets to meet his idol, Mariah, or some other twisted, sad, yet uplifting, and still totally not orgasmic story). Turned to Sex and The City to finally get off - hey, it’s better than the news.

Took me about 15 minutes to come, which is average, but Jonny joked that it would “take a while” cause, y’know, I like vibration. And I do like vibration. But now I’m getting back “in touch” (bad puns happen) with my own two hands.

One day down. 30 to go.

May 1st. The beginning of Masturbation May. My May goal is to masturbate, or at least have an orgasm, every single day this month. It’s in honor of Masturbation May. It’s going to be difficult though. For starters, I haven’t masturbated yet today, and Lost is on tonight, and after that I may be too freaked out to masturbate. And then in a week and a half I’m out in LA for a whole week, working some 14 hour days, sleeping on people’s couches - will I be able to masturbate then? And then I’m in Boston and I don’t even know where I’m sleeping, let alone masturbating.

AAHHH!!

I’ll keep a masturbation diary blog thing going I guess and let you know. That is, of course, for those who care.

And you can masturbate with me. Especially the ladies. We need to build our numbers up. Since statistically speaking, men masturbate more than we women do. According to the authors of The Social Organization of Sexuality, of the 2,969 men and women they talked with - 41.7 percent of women and 63.3 percent of men masturbated that year. According to The Janus Report on Sexual Behavior, another large-scale, nationwide survey of adults (conducted between 1983 and 1992), 10 percent of women masturbated “regularly” while 25 percent of men choked the chicken at least a few times a week.

Men may do it more than women - but not if they were having a contest with me. They’d lose. I think I could win an award for how often I do it. And I’ll probably always have supple skin because I do it so much. Supple. I like the sound of that word.

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